Your up!

31 Jan

In an hour I will be putting my emotion box on stage in front of a man I exchanged conversation with for only 5 minutes. He will then decide if I am worthy enough to join his team. In his eyes a team that consists of some of the best. I consider myself one of the best, but then what credit do I have to even think that. Like Show and Tell from my elementary school days, I will have to whip out all the tricks I encase in order to woo him, the crowd, and the studio. Although my mouth will do all the talking, my eyes will be on the sidelines, alluring him into my web. Stumbling words will have to transition smoothly into convincing improv. Eye twitching and leg trembling will have to be at a minimum level so as not to distract. As a matter of fact there will be no nervous movement from my end at all. When he waves his hand for me to proceed, I will become someone else. And then silence. I’ll smile shyly, say thank you, turn around and walk off stage… No bowing, that would mark a sign of cockiness I had yet to earn.


Kava Tea

30 Jan

Some how fate worked its magical powers and introduced Kava Tea into my life. I’ve become a love fool, constantly pheening for a fix. I take more out of this relationship, abusing it for it’s euphoric affection. Time spent sipping it should be enough returned satisfaction. We’re equals, my compliments are ever flowing. As I cup my hand to form its smooth curved container (tea cup), warmth quickly surges through my fingers. Once tilted, droplets drip onto my tongue triggering a tingling sensation. The tea has begun its course, and the goosebumps come out from hibernation. Pretty soon my mind releases tension/anxiety and thoughts of contentment strike me down gently.


19 Jan

If people only knew what lived behind the eyes that are placed symmetrically above the nose that is centered perfectly on top of the gentle lips that linger on my face. A closet passionist (which is a word I made up?) A head case, and most of all a loner. But a great person indeed!

Another Bull-shit Post About Me

19 Jan

Sometimes writing is the only way to truly express how I feel. Mostly because it lacks a voice and face, which generally give off expressions of how I really feel when I yell. I’m not saying that you can’t obtain all that from great writing, but its less evident and more in the gray area. You can easily say, “Oh you thought that’s what I meant when I wrote …..?” When in fact you can lie and give a picture of a whole other way of interpreting written words. Saying that, I do write truth, and if you know me well you can probably assume exactly what I’m saying when I write..

Today was a little stuffy inside, and as rainy and cold as it was outside I just had to venture out. Comfy is never comfy but rather a safe place that gets you going know where. Safe has always been an eerie feeling for me. Go figure, I always last 5 minutes in a nice warm bath tub and then I’m out. When I feel that things are too safe and comfy I quickly figure out a way to make it harder, sometimes subconciously. I decided to be very dangerous and go to an acting studio’s informational session. Big numbers were thrown at me, along with amazing opportunities. There’s the line again, choosing what’s comfortable now or what’s harder in the long run.

Is it starting to get a little to toasty in this Starbucks.. I’m sweating…

I should just call this blog ME, because its constantly being filled with posts that are all about me, my quarrels, happy times, sad times, confused times, spacey times and dangerous times. I hate talking about myself, it reminds me of how odd I am.

I soo want to delete this meaningless post, but I’ll let it be.

Cigarettes Are Bad

6 Jan

Little Wind

13 Dec

Little wind your my friend tonight, blocking out all other noise

sleep is not important you see because id rather dance till light

your the feeling of air I get when I dive into the song the song

pushing heavily into this paper house where we know I don’t belong belong


Laugh with me as I quiver of a memory I try to forget

brake the mental head case you percieve as just a flop

free me of all insecurities and tackle me to the floor

like when I was a young child and you made my kite soar


Oh little wind how your braver than me  and yes this I know

If I could stand on my tip E toes I would not have to steep so low

Im using your love for just one night, Your oh soo stronger than Ill ever be

At half past 9 I’ll be alone again in thoughts will you please join me for tea


Shame that your only around when I need you and not everyday

instead of whipping me through the sun and clouds and the stars and the moon

you take from me oh but I take more

I’m all yours now I will forever be your whore

Your Crippling Words

10 Dec

Dear Friend,

The worst part is that your words, sentences, metaphors & thoughts linger. They stay with me throughout the day, as I wait in line at the grocery store, pump my gas, and walk my dog. Your heartbeat is nowhere to be found, and yet here you are standing next to me in every instance. You surround me in such a way that I have to take a  step back at times because your yelling at me, screaming even. Let me breath please, even for a moment. Disregard my petty life and infamous quarrels you seem to perceive as farce and unnecessary. Without them I would feel sane, and to feel sane you must be insane. Your trickery is nothing but seething insecurity in which you live alone with inside your mind. If you just open up to the rest of the world, you would quickly see it’s harmless skies hang over the once rainy setting you viewed it to be. Let yourself be free, if only for yourself. Take no expectations with you, it is what it is. If you do not like it, change it and create an unimaginable sight.

I love you, “..”

Love always,